You get along with your spouse. Fights are few and far in-between and perhaps better described as ‘spats’. The bills are current, the house stays tidy, and you’ve never felt the need to question their faithfulness. You’ve seen the couples around you struggle with infidelity, abuse and hostility; compared to them, you have no room to complain.
Your marriage is good enough.
And that’s the problem.
Thinking of your marriage in terms of “good enough” is a way of holding yourself back from what you’re capable of achieving. Not only that, it can bring a host of problems you weren’t expecting.
In fact, here are five ways that being “good enough” only hurts your marriage.
IT DOESN’T MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.
Time for a word association game. What comes to mind when you hear someone say the term “good enough”?
Here’s some collected answers to compare to your own:
“That’ll do, Pig.”
“Nothing bad, but nothing to write home about.”
“What you see is what you get.”
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
“Ok for the time being.”
See where this is heading?
How you would feel if you heard your spouse describe the marriage the two of you share as ‘good enough’? Probably crestfallen and inadequate. Who wouldn’t be? The term suggests that you’ve fallen short.
If you switch the speaker in the above scenario, you’re still faced with an emotional quandary. Are you really “good enough” when your spouse is lying next to you in bed at night with a wounded heart? What if they begin to believe that you “settled” for them and that your complacency is the best they can expect?
Is that “good enough” for you?
YOU’RE MAKING THE WRONG COMPARISONS.
As an adult, you’ve learned to accept that life is fraught with unfairness, disappointments, and struggle. As a result, you remind yourself to be thankful for what God has blessed you with, even when it’s not quite what you desired. After all, you know just how much worse others have it.
You’ve looked around at all the couples that are dealing with affairs, lying and violence and you think to yourself, “there but for the grace of God, go I.”
Why are you comparing your marriage in the first place?
Making comparisons is a precarious tightrope to walk. Every person’s experiences and circumstances are their own. The best way to gain insight from making comparisons is to find something similar to measure against. If infidelity, abuse, or hostility is a non-issue in your marriage, why are you making comparisons to the marriages that *do* have those issues?
The lack of an affair or the absence of abuse does not mean the problems you do have are any less real or important. Think of what could be different if you had worked towards resolving dissatisfactions instead of invalidating them.
Insisting that your marriage is “good enough” in comparison to others, you’re denying you and your spouse the chance to work as a team and improve what you have.
YOUR CHILDREN WILL MODEL THEIR MARRIAGE AFTER YOURS.
Bringing a child into the world is nothing short of taking your heart out of your chest and watching it walk free in the world.
With raising children comes a tsunami of demands, responsibilities and challenges. And as parents, we ride that wave.
To give them the opportunity to live a life that is better than ours. You want them to not only reach the stars, but to pluck them from the skies while you watch joyfully from Earth.
It’s the paradox of becoming a parent.
You’re one of the very first connection they make in the world. They look to you to learn: how to act, how to see the world, and how to build their relationships. You are their primary example in all things.
Who do you want to see your child marry? Someone who loves them immensely and engages with them without reservation. Someone who responds, inspires, and is quick to offer as well as accept apologies.
Are you showing them a model of what that looks like?
Or are you showing them what’s “good enough”?
GOD DESIGNED YOU FOR MORE THAN “GOOD ENOUGH”
As a Christian, your relationship with God is an intimate and sacred journey. You’ve seen its natural ebb and flow through the years, but you always strive to take it to a deeper level. Connecting with the Holy Spirit, reveling in His word, and following the sound of His voice–you invest yourself with the knowledge that you grow richer in Spirit everyday.
You are part of a spiritual community that wholly believes in the message of love. You were designed by God given the capability of being filled to the brim with love. Would you dream of using the term “good enough” to describe your spirituality with God?
It’s worth remembering that God designed marriage just for you and your spouse. The continuous evolution you strive to maintain in your relationship with God is exactly what He wants to see in the marriage He gave you. Not what is “good enough”.
YOUR MARRIAGE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT.
You married them for a reason. They called to you in a way that no one had before.
You saw that there was something special about them and it was enough to make you vow, “’Till death do us part” while standing at the altar before God. You didn’t settle and neither did they- God made you for each other.
“Good enough” means that you’ve forgotten to look at your spouse and see how their soul is joined to yours. But the malady of forgetting is easily remedied by remembering.
But you’ll never find a way to jog your memory until you do away completely with this “good enough” business that has pinned you in place.
REACHING GREATNESS AND BEYOND.
The “Good To Great” program offered by The Hideaway Experience is what can take your marriage to the next level. The program works to find and help resolve the issues that block the path towards your greatness.
The Hideaway has helped over 1,000 couples who come from 48 states and 2 countries. Our three different locations offer the comfort of plush rooms, full amenities, and five-star meals. Our team of licensed counselors and psychologists are ready and waiting to help your marriage achieve greatness.